Sad and Angry at the same time...

Yup, that's how I feel right now.

The girl that I have been chasing after for months, have fallen for another person.

And it really hurts me.

And of all time, why must it happen the week before my birthday.

But seriously, it matters if she realises my love for her or not.


Crap! Another week, and I will no longer be a teenager.

I will eventually touch the TWO-ZERO mark.

Yup, I will be 20!

SHEESH! WHAT A LAUGHINGSTOCK I HAVE BECOME!


Being 20 and STILL NO GIRLFRIEND!

WHAT A LOSER! WHAT AN IDIOT!

And worse, WHAT A PARASITE I HAVE BECOME!


Seriously, I have been wondering. Am I that parasitic in this world?

Am I a disease that people fear and disrespect?

What am I? WHO AM I?


Anyway, I just hope that she's happy. That's all that matters?

For now, yes.


But for me? I WILL BE FUCKING MISERABLE FOR MY ENTIRE LIFE!

AND THIS ISN'T A BLOODY PHASE THAT I'M GOING THROUGH!

NEVER IS AND NEVER WILL BE JUST A FUCKING PHASE!!!

WHY?


CAUSE I LOVE HER! I LOVE HER WITH ALL MY HEART!

AND YEAH, IT'S MY FAULT FOR BEING A COWARD!

IT'S MY FAULT FOR NOT TELLING HER WHEN I HAD THE CHANCE TO!

IT'S ALL MY FAULT!!!


FUCK!!!!!


Anyway, that's all of my rants for now.


Nothing can help me now. Nothing.


So, I just pray for her happiness.


And as for me? I want to be happy, but I can't.


But I will never give up. I will never surrender.


As long as I live, I will fight with honor.

As long as I fight, losing is not an option.

And as of now, my birthday wish will now be altered.


Over and out!


From,
Alucard Yamada

P.S. Current mood: In an unrest. In a rush of panic. In a state of shock.