Just something to release before I implode and explode at the same time.

Due to recent events, I'm back!

Because rescuing someone from imminent danger and fighting for a lost cause is still better than obeying the oppression and letting them do everything.

By valuing your own freedom to the extent of shoving everyone else aside as if they are a bunch of carcasses, you are violating the freedom of others. Therefore, freedom is just an illusion. Freedom has a high price. The only thing that we can achieve is Peace and Harmony. If you can't do that and don't want to do that, then you are missing out on something bigger than yourself.

Plans? They are nothing more than variables.
Schedules? They warped your mind into a slave.
To truly break free from those is to release all that hatred, all that anger and channel it into something even more useful, like forgiveness, seeking help, above all, open up to others. That is how you truly improve on things. Because all the matters of the Earth are nothing as compared to the Afterlife, the next life and your own soul.

And when there is an opportunity to be saved by someone who believe in God, someone who doesn't need anything in return, what did you do? You end up being egotistical, selfish, mean, barbaric and above all, atheistic bitch who still complain about not having enough time and space when all of that cannot be owned. They need to be shared in order to sustain life!

The Curse of "the Fool born in April (that's me)" strikes again!

For a moment, I thought that it would never happened again.

I WAS FUCKING WRONG!

It's just so happened that I was dumped again and again and again and again and again days before my birthday. Is this a fucking sign that I will never be able to move on in life?

To prove my theories correct, let me take you back to the past...

http://www.freewebs.com/latarite/myblog.htm?blogentryid=1441506

http://latarite.blogspot.com/2008/04/sad-and-angry-at-same-time.html

http://latarite.blogspot.com/2009/04/happy-21st-birthday-wtf.html

http://latarite.blogspot.com/2010/04/return-to-innocence.html

Sad to say that the curse went on since 2003.

Why is this so?

As I said, let me take you back to the distant past.

It all started in late 2001/ early 2002. I was a shy idiot. But at the same time, I was more into stuff that you would never associate me with. A life of violence and prejudice.

And then a girl two years older than me came into my life.

Her name is Angela.

She used to talk to me after school and even confessed to me. I was not aware of love then, because I never felt that way during those days when I always think that love was just a myth and it doesn't exist and all. But I was wrong.

In 2003, things started to turn for the worse, with her condition dwindling. By the time that I have realised that she had Leukemia, I was too late. I still remember the details of that fateful day...

It was my birthday. I brought gifts for her, as it was also her birthday. Before I could reach the hospital, she passed away. I was in shock. My heart sank as deep as Titanic.

I was devastated. From then on, life as I know it had gotten rougher and tougher.

However, it wasn't all dark and gritty. She woke me up from the nightmare that I was living in before I met her. She questioned me in a lot of aspects.

In fact, she was the first one that asked me this question: "Do you believe in God?"

That really changed my perspective.

From then on, I begin to immerse myself in her favourite hobbies, just to keep her memories alive. Example: cosplay, playing music especially on piano.

Truth to be told, she's interested in the arts and sciences. Her ambition is to help people, help society to learn how to love one another and accepting brotherhood. She wanted to be a nurse.

That's my distant past in a nutshell. I'm sure that most people find it ridiculous. Well, you can't blame them. I am an idiot myself.

All I ever wanted is to move on in life, to turn over a new leaf, and to continue where she left off.

That's why I have been trying to search for the one, again.

Anyway, I'm going to end this post with a song that I played every birthday.

The song is "April" by SPEED.

Enjoy.

Godspeed, everyone.



P.S. I love you all.

I'n not the bad guy...

I am difficult to deal with, but I am easy going.
I am evil, but I am also good.
I am ill, but I want to stay healthy.
I am weak, but I force myself to be strong.
I am selfish because I want to protect those that I love.
I am greedy but I will never be gullible.
I am jealous that you have other people at your becking call whereas I don't.
I am always labeled as the bad guy, but all I want is to be a good guy.

Seriously, what did I ever do to deserve this?

You said that I'm a nice person. Why can't you be nice to me for a change?

Instead, you pushed me away when I needed you the most. You even told me to leave you alone.

Was I wrong to trust you? Was I wrong to care about you?

Seriously, why have you abandon me...

Dear God...

I prayed every single day for you to forgive me for all my sins, whether it is intentional or unintentional.

I also prayed that I have the strength and courage to keep moving forward in life.

I also prayed that I could make a positive difference in the lives of the people that I met.

I even prayed that I could love anyone and everyone despite what the people have done to me.

I also prayed that I will no longer live in fear and hatred. Instead, to embrace a life of love and compassion.

I know that I'm just a man.

All I ever wanted is to keep the faith.

But I cannot do this alone.

I need to settle down because I am sick and tired of all the violence and animosity that I have gone through. In fact, I have lost someone special in 2003 due to me being careless and indecisive.

I have already atone for all my mistakes. Why give me more challenges? Why give me more tests?

I know You love me. I know that You care for me.

The thing is why people cannot do the same is beyond my understanding.

Anyway, I still believe in an Act of Random Kindness.

From,
Adam Rick Taylor

History has repeated itself, over and over again...

Do you know what is frustrating?

It saddens me that the people that I have known as friends for a long time have betrayed me, one way or the other.

The thing is that I do not even know what wrong I have done or what evil I have committed.

All I ever do is try to be there for them, lend them a helping hand and always be there for them no matter what happens, good or bad, we all have to help each other.

Instead of the "give and you shall receive", I get a rapier being stabbed in my back and through my heart.

Tell me, is it a sin to love one another, accepting siblinghood?

WHERE IS THE LOVE?

All I ever wanted is for me to live a healthy and happy life. Is that so much to as for?

Anyway, I do hope that I have the courage to face the future.

And I also prayed to God that they, especially someone, will still be my friends. No matter how, no matter what. I just want to love them and not fear them.

Hope this message come across with open arms and open heart.

From,
Adam Rick Taylor

Just a simple humanitarian issue

The moment one hates a human being is the moment one kills a human being.

Renewed Fantasy

OK! I have officially moved on from that ordeal.

And I promised that I will work towards settling down with the most wonderful person that I have known. My one and only Charlynn also known as Arisa Gold.

Anyway, here's something that I wanted to share for quite some time now.

So, enjoy!



English Version is right here: http://www.nicovideo.jp/watch/sm6338720

P.S.

I LOVE YOU, CHARLYNN!

From,
Adam Rick Taylor

A Fork in the Road

Seriously, I'm not sure how to put this. But I'm now faced with a difficult decision.

Before my current girlfriend, there was this person that I have known beforehand. She was and still is a good friend. However, it took me 3 years to realize that I actually like this person as more than a friend.

I kept telling myself that it was all just an infatuation as I already am in a relationship. However, as time goes by, I could not let it slide no matter what. I really have feelings for her.

Maybe it's due to me being in such a situation and I only have myself to blame for all this.

Just to make things clear and proper, I still love my girlfriend and I would want to marry her.

But now, I really have to choose.

The catch is that I might not have enough time to come to the stand.

The illness that I'm currently having is gradually getting worse as I speak. And I do not want to rush myself solely because of this.

I cherish both of them.

I even can go far to say that I love my family, my relatives, my friends, and also strangers and enemies, for we are brothers and sisters of humanity.

Strangely, my past is catching up to me and it is haunting me as if it is happening now.

I don't want to live in fear anymore! I want to live with love, no matter how painful it is, I choose to love.

I am entitled to love and I will make full use of the opportunity to love.

To summarize, I really love my girlfriend and would like to marry her. Also, I like my friend as more than a friend. And above all, I must learn to love God.

From,
Adam Rick Taylor

Return to Innocence

Now, I know that I no longer talk about my personal stuff here anymore and all.

But this really need everyone's attention.

I know it is such short notice, but lately, I've been thinking.

With all my friends' problems, issues, and other personal matters keep being either unsolved and/or piling up just kept going, whether I like it or not, I have decided that it is best to help them as much as I can. Even if it means having me being back to my old self just to fulfil the task at hand.

This is because of some strange reason that I did not dare to raise. Even if I did, I knew that it would hurt other people's feelings. However, if I keep it enclosed for a fucking long time, I would suffer in silence in the end.

Anyway, just a re-cap of what is going on, here are the scenarios that is played in my mind.

Case 1: Forgotten Origins

"When you get the money, you get the power. When you get the power, you get the woman. When you get the woman, you forget your friends. Is that even worth fighting for? Is that even worth dying for? Think about it. Now you have lost the one who loves you the most, and he's not coming back to you anymore!"

Case 2: Platonic Dilemma

"After all these years that I have been searching, the one has been right in front of me this whole time and it took me 3 years to realise it? Seriously, what am I going to do?"

Whatever it is, I do hope that I have the courage to face up to Case 2. As for Case 1, it is a Cold Case.

That is all for now.

A little something to lighten up my mood

This song really lifts up my spirit even higher!

Recalling a quote that I have learnt.

The year 2009 have really reinforced what I have said three years ago.

This quote was made from May 2006.

"When I need something, even if I do not want it, I will fight for it. When I want something, but no longer need it, I will let it go."

What I need:
truth, freedom, beauty, love, courage, hope and peace. These seven qualities of life kept me going.

What I want:
chastity, temperance, charity, diligence, patience, kindness, humility.

What drives you humans to live on?
lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy and pride.

Think about it.

As long as there are people who think that life is a game, these mindsets will never change.

HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY? WTF!

Seriously, it has never been happy. Not yet, anyway.

Thankfully, I'm having a day-off from the usual routine.

Without further ado, here are my plans for the "Lonely Birthday".

First up, go get my FREE meal at nEbO Hub.

Next, go to Ben & Jerry's to get me some FREE Ice Cream Cone.

Then, go get my FREE Birthday Play Value from Zone-X.

And maybe, just maybe, either watch a movie or sing karaoke. ALONE. Since nobody bothered to greet me "Happy Birthday" anyway.

That will be all for now.

From,
Akado Kogane

Reminiscing Primary School Life and My History

I am having some spare time today. Still working on major stuff in my life currently, but yeah, I decided to jot this down.

Anyway, I met up with my primary school friends in a small but memorable reunion dinner. That meeting seriously woke me up that I do have true friends back in the day. In fact, they are even more true than those typical local people. Enough of that. Story is too long and I want to keep this blog post short.

Looking back at my life, I do have my fair share of life from a "happy-go-lucky" guy to an "emo-driven with a vendetta" sort of guy and now "the hyper-romantic guy with a sense of discipline, justice and commitment".

In fact, the truth about me is that I am in the pursuit of the following:
Truth, Freedom, Beauty, Love, Courage, Hope and Peace.

While some of you think that I am childish and such, I am actually more experienced than anyone can ever imagine.

Try having these and live for 21 years with them:
-Avoidant personality disorder
-Schizoid personality disorder
-Autism spectrum disorders

I did and I must say I have win against the likes of those "normal people" who take their lives for granted. Even to the extent of taking what they like for granted. These people will never go far beyond the sun. Even if they have spent their whole lives on the things that they do best, they will not go far without compassion and wit.

The golden rule for those who want to deal with me, never ever make a lone wolf mad, for he is stronger, more aggressive and far more dangerous than the average wolf that is a member of a pack.

From,
Akado Kogane

A Rant On The So-Called Friends (And Some Fanboy Issue)

Have you ever felt something like a dagger being thrusted into your back multiple times by multiple number of people? That's what exactly how I feel for the past few weeks.

To be honest and in good faith, this is starting to bother me too much.

If only I heeded that advice, that is to not to get too professionally involve with them, these trivial things wouldn't have happened.

I mean it when I say that I have regretted joining a community in which I am prepared to be a fan of.

Anyway, just a low-down on what my naive brain is registering for the community.

Firstly, it was a community that is made by fans for fans. Gradually, it became a stiff upper lip and starting to involve some professional aspects to it. And now, it became something in which I was not able to recognise anymore.

Where is the "for fans by fans" mindset gone to? Down the drain? Vanish into thin air?

Where is the love?

Now, my mind has really gotten a cruel wake-up call. And I have learnt it the hard way.

One could not count on a community forever.

So what if it is successful? Where was the passion that I used to recognise from them? Why are they evolving into workaholics who wants fame and fortune type of monsters?

As I type in this entry, I realised that one can't be a fanboy forever.

One has to think for themselves and one must make the ultimate sacrifice, even if it means having to give up the community in which he like to do the stuff that the community offers.

Now, don't take this personally, but I have no choice but to stop relying on the community for things that they will keep continuing to deny me of.

Looks like I have to take the other path instead.

-Finish NS
-Go for broke to study in a private university part-time (while juggling full-time work)
-Have enough money and documentations to get the f*** out of this place
-And then, settle down, have kids, work to build up a joint-venture

That will be all for now.

I apologise if I sounded harsh, but this is what I truly feel from the bottom of my heart.

From,
Akado Kogane

P.S. I don't hate you guys personally. I just hate what you guys have become. I no longer know what you guys are anymore.

1 Month Done, 23 Months to Go!!

Yeah, it's been a month since I last wrote an entry.

Anyway, here it goes:

How's NS life so far? So-so.

At least I have learn so much during my time there.

And yeah, it is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to learn something new.

I know that it is a mundane way of putting things, but that's how I truly feel.


Now, on to the more important stuff:

My best friend (Taxman) is currently in a personal crisis at the moment. His dad has not been well recently and I hope that he could get well soon, for my friend's sake.

Please pray for safety.


That is all for now.

As for the rant on a few things, it will be on the next entry. I just don't want to pollute this entry.


And yeah, I do miss my Yunku-chan a lot. Love ya lots, dear!

From,
Akado Kogane
(previously known as Alucard Yamada)

Home Sweet Home, I will miss you...

It will be about 35 hours to enlistment as I key in this entry.

First thing I would like to say is, THANK YOU EVERYONE WHO HAS BEEN THERE FOR ME THROUGH THICK AND THIN!

And yeah, I love you, my little Yunku-chan!

The second thing that I would like to say is that, I would definitely miss being a civilian for 2 years.

And one more thing, the Music Corner will be on a long HIATUS.

Don't worry, I still have a song up for dedication.

It is such a beautiful song.

Hope that you can enjoy it.

From,
Alucard Yamada

P.S. Here's the song:



Enjoy.

Vampire Name Generator

I found something interesting, thanks to my Yunku-chan!

Anyway, here it goes:

http://www.emmadavies.net/vampire/


1st Name: Adam Ali

The Great Archives determine you to have gone by the identity:
Jack Raven
Known in some parts of the world as:
Belatucadrus of The Flesh
The Great Archives Record:
A sensual one who knows the flesh - and knows the blood.


2nd Name: Akado Yamada

The Great Archives determine you to have gone by the identity:
Armand Bourignon
Known in some parts of the world as:
Mazal Tov of Wallachia
The Great Archives Record:
Died and rose again in the name of eternal love.


3rd Name: Jake Cena

The Great Archives determine you to have gone by the identity:
Uriel Arnauld
Known in some parts of the world as:
Zeus of The Steely Moon
The Great Archives Record:
A child of the Moon Goddess - Cold, determined, but of the light in the night.


4th Name: Rick Taylor

The Great Archives determine you to have gone by the identity:
Will Pope
Known in some parts of the world as:
Seducer of Seducers
The Great Archives Record:
Beautiful and alluring - hiding great power, great danger.


5th Name: Alucard Yamada

The Great Archives determine you to have gone by the identity:
Armand Bourignon
Known in some parts of the world as:
Mazal Tov of The Flesh
The Great Archives Record:
A sensual one who knows the flesh - and knows the blood.


WOW! True for all for some reason.

Rough but good week

OK!

The photoshoot is completed.

The Gundam Movie Marathon is attended.

And now, just some updates regarding what I do during the week.

Just recently completed "BioHazard: Gun Survivor" on the PS1.

I might do a review on it.

And here's the pictorial proof of my hard work:



Rank B with no continues.

I know I suck, but who cares? It's just a game.

Anyway, that is all for now.

From,
Alucard Yamada

My Character's Theme Song

YES! YES!

I have finally selected a suitable song for my character, Rick Taylor (Rider 1).

Just in case you were wondering who is Rick Taylor:

Profile of Rider 1
Portrayed by Akado Yamada

NAME (OFFICIAL): Rick Taylor
MODE OF COMBAT: Tae-Kwon-Do and Boxing
BIRTHDAY: April 21st 1988
HEIGHT: 5'8" (173 cm)
WEIGHT: 140 lbs (64 kg)
BLOOD TYPE: Unknown
MEASUREMENTS: Unknown
BIRTHPLACE: Singapore
HOBBY: Playing music
PERSONAL TREASURES: His lifelong love interest (Yunku Sakuranbo), his motorcycle (Cyclone I)
FAVORITE FOOD: Fried Rice
DISLIKES: Humans
FORTE IN SPORTS: Soccer and Basketball

And here's the PV of the song.



If you want to watch it, simply pause the music corner to enjoy the video in proper.

Thanks.

From,
Alucard Yamada

P.S. The song is "GHOST" by Gackt

Minor Updates

Alright, I have made some changes to my blog.

And yeah, I will do more activities over the week.

At least I won't be so bored as the previous weeks.

And yeah, enlistment is a few weeks away! I'm so nervous.

That will be all for now.

From,
Alucard Yamada