Just something to release before I implode and explode at the same time.

Due to recent events, I'm back!

Because rescuing someone from imminent danger and fighting for a lost cause is still better than obeying the oppression and letting them do everything.

By valuing your own freedom to the extent of shoving everyone else aside as if they are a bunch of carcasses, you are violating the freedom of others. Therefore, freedom is just an illusion. Freedom has a high price. The only thing that we can achieve is Peace and Harmony. If you can't do that and don't want to do that, then you are missing out on something bigger than yourself.

Plans? They are nothing more than variables.
Schedules? They warped your mind into a slave.
To truly break free from those is to release all that hatred, all that anger and channel it into something even more useful, like forgiveness, seeking help, above all, open up to others. That is how you truly improve on things. Because all the matters of the Earth are nothing as compared to the Afterlife, the next life and your own soul.

And when there is an opportunity to be saved by someone who believe in God, someone who doesn't need anything in return, what did you do? You end up being egotistical, selfish, mean, barbaric and above all, atheistic bitch who still complain about not having enough time and space when all of that cannot be owned. They need to be shared in order to sustain life!

The Curse of "the Fool born in April (that's me)" strikes again!

For a moment, I thought that it would never happened again.

I WAS FUCKING WRONG!

It's just so happened that I was dumped again and again and again and again and again days before my birthday. Is this a fucking sign that I will never be able to move on in life?

To prove my theories correct, let me take you back to the past...

http://www.freewebs.com/latarite/myblog.htm?blogentryid=1441506

http://latarite.blogspot.com/2008/04/sad-and-angry-at-same-time.html

http://latarite.blogspot.com/2009/04/happy-21st-birthday-wtf.html

http://latarite.blogspot.com/2010/04/return-to-innocence.html

Sad to say that the curse went on since 2003.

Why is this so?

As I said, let me take you back to the distant past.

It all started in late 2001/ early 2002. I was a shy idiot. But at the same time, I was more into stuff that you would never associate me with. A life of violence and prejudice.

And then a girl two years older than me came into my life.

Her name is Angela.

She used to talk to me after school and even confessed to me. I was not aware of love then, because I never felt that way during those days when I always think that love was just a myth and it doesn't exist and all. But I was wrong.

In 2003, things started to turn for the worse, with her condition dwindling. By the time that I have realised that she had Leukemia, I was too late. I still remember the details of that fateful day...

It was my birthday. I brought gifts for her, as it was also her birthday. Before I could reach the hospital, she passed away. I was in shock. My heart sank as deep as Titanic.

I was devastated. From then on, life as I know it had gotten rougher and tougher.

However, it wasn't all dark and gritty. She woke me up from the nightmare that I was living in before I met her. She questioned me in a lot of aspects.

In fact, she was the first one that asked me this question: "Do you believe in God?"

That really changed my perspective.

From then on, I begin to immerse myself in her favourite hobbies, just to keep her memories alive. Example: cosplay, playing music especially on piano.

Truth to be told, she's interested in the arts and sciences. Her ambition is to help people, help society to learn how to love one another and accepting brotherhood. She wanted to be a nurse.

That's my distant past in a nutshell. I'm sure that most people find it ridiculous. Well, you can't blame them. I am an idiot myself.

All I ever wanted is to move on in life, to turn over a new leaf, and to continue where she left off.

That's why I have been trying to search for the one, again.

Anyway, I'm going to end this post with a song that I played every birthday.

The song is "April" by SPEED.

Enjoy.

Godspeed, everyone.



P.S. I love you all.

I'n not the bad guy...

I am difficult to deal with, but I am easy going.
I am evil, but I am also good.
I am ill, but I want to stay healthy.
I am weak, but I force myself to be strong.
I am selfish because I want to protect those that I love.
I am greedy but I will never be gullible.
I am jealous that you have other people at your becking call whereas I don't.
I am always labeled as the bad guy, but all I want is to be a good guy.

Seriously, what did I ever do to deserve this?

You said that I'm a nice person. Why can't you be nice to me for a change?

Instead, you pushed me away when I needed you the most. You even told me to leave you alone.

Was I wrong to trust you? Was I wrong to care about you?

Seriously, why have you abandon me...

Dear God...

I prayed every single day for you to forgive me for all my sins, whether it is intentional or unintentional.

I also prayed that I have the strength and courage to keep moving forward in life.

I also prayed that I could make a positive difference in the lives of the people that I met.

I even prayed that I could love anyone and everyone despite what the people have done to me.

I also prayed that I will no longer live in fear and hatred. Instead, to embrace a life of love and compassion.

I know that I'm just a man.

All I ever wanted is to keep the faith.

But I cannot do this alone.

I need to settle down because I am sick and tired of all the violence and animosity that I have gone through. In fact, I have lost someone special in 2003 due to me being careless and indecisive.

I have already atone for all my mistakes. Why give me more challenges? Why give me more tests?

I know You love me. I know that You care for me.

The thing is why people cannot do the same is beyond my understanding.

Anyway, I still believe in an Act of Random Kindness.

From,
Adam Rick Taylor

History has repeated itself, over and over again...

Do you know what is frustrating?

It saddens me that the people that I have known as friends for a long time have betrayed me, one way or the other.

The thing is that I do not even know what wrong I have done or what evil I have committed.

All I ever do is try to be there for them, lend them a helping hand and always be there for them no matter what happens, good or bad, we all have to help each other.

Instead of the "give and you shall receive", I get a rapier being stabbed in my back and through my heart.

Tell me, is it a sin to love one another, accepting siblinghood?

WHERE IS THE LOVE?

All I ever wanted is for me to live a healthy and happy life. Is that so much to as for?

Anyway, I do hope that I have the courage to face the future.

And I also prayed to God that they, especially someone, will still be my friends. No matter how, no matter what. I just want to love them and not fear them.

Hope this message come across with open arms and open heart.

From,
Adam Rick Taylor